Guide
Can't sleep after a break-up? What actually helps
It's 3am, you're wide awake, and your head is replaying every conversation. Bad sleep after a break-up or betrayal is one of the most common things men describe – and one of the hardest, because everything feels worse when you're running on empty.
Why it happens
Stress keeps your body on alert – it's built to stay awake when something feels like a threat, and a relationship ending registers as exactly that. On top of that, your routine has usually gone: different bedtimes, more screens, more coffee to get through the day, and often more drink at night to switch off.
What helps
None of this is magic, but together it makes a real difference within a couple of weeks. Most of it comes straight from the NHS advice on insomnia.
- Get up at the same time every day – even after a bad night, and at weekends. It's the single biggest thing for resetting your sleep.
- Go to bed only when you feel sleepy, not just because it's late.
- Wind down for an hour before bed. A shower, a book, something boring on low. Not work, not arguments by text.
- Put your phone out of reach. Screens keep your brain switched on – and lying there checking their socials is guaranteed to keep you up.
- No caffeine or alcohol in the six hours before bed. Drink might help you nod off, but it tends to give you broken, poor sleep later in the night.
- Move during the day – a walk, the gym, anything – but not in the four hours before bed.
- Skip the daytime naps, even when you're shattered. They make the next night harder.
- Keep the bedroom dark, quiet and cool. An eye mask or earplugs are cheap and they work.
When your head won't switch off
Before bed, write down what's going round in your head – what happened, what you're worried about, anything you need to do tomorrow. Getting it out of your head and onto paper (or into your phone) tells your brain it doesn't need to keep hold of it overnight. If you've been lying awake for a long time, get up, do something calm in dim light, and go back when you feel sleepy.
When to get help
See your GP if changing your sleep habits hasn't helped, if you've had trouble sleeping for months, or if it's making it hard to cope with daily life. If you're lying awake with thoughts of not wanting to be here, please call Samaritans on 116 123 – free, any time, day or night.
Reading helps for a minute. Seeing your own pattern helps for good.
Pit Stop 30 is a 30-second daily check-in for men: mood on a dial, sleep, drinks, one hard thing and one good thing. Over a few weeks it shows you what's really going on – which nights cost you the next day, what sets you off, and that you're moving forward. It comes with 16 short reads like this one, matched to what you're going through. Everything stays on your phone. No ads, ever.
Know a mate going through it? Send him this.
Sources and further help:
This guide is general information, not medical advice. Pit Stop 30 is a self-help app, not a medical service. If you're struggling, talk to your GP. In immediate danger, call 999.